News

I'll update more later, but just wanted to let everyone (who is not on Facebook!) know that the spot they took off last week came back....CLEAN! It was not cancer, just a regular ole' mole! Yippee! I needed some good news! And finally it has come. We will head back to Houston the first week of December to have the one remaining tumor removed and then maybe, just maybe, I will get a break from cancer for a little while! Thank you so, so much for all of prayers. Obviously, they worked! Keep praying!

Topsy Turvy

In light of recent Dr appts I am more determined than ever to give my babies lasting memories. Something that I have dying to do with them is take them to DisneyWorld. We were going to do this in October, but we decided that, financially, Branson would be the better option. Now, I sort of regret that. Not because we didn't have fun, we had a blast, we went as a family, so of course we had fun:) But now I also want to take them to Disneyworld! Ugh! Sometimes I am so indecisive!

So, because my new found mission is to take my kiddos to Disneyworld I have been busy researching the tons and tons of options available out there. And, I must admit, my brain is in overload!

There is so much out there. I don't even know where to start! We still haven't decided on dates.

So much is up in the air right now. I know in December I will have at least two surgeries. One to remove the remaining tumor and one to get my tubes tied. We debated going the last week in December, but holy smokes is that expensive! I was thinking it would be cheaper because Ella would still be free on the flight. Not so!

Then we will head back to Houston in January for more scans.

In March, Cody and I are taking a cruise to the Bahamas, plus we will return to Houston for more scans.

And in May we will return to Houston for more scans.

The way it looks, February or April will be the best times to go.

However, there is always that "What If." What if more cancer shows up on the scans in January? I will probably be starting chemo soon after that. What if it shows up in March? I will probably be starting chemo soon after that. Most people don't have to worry about these types of things when they plan a family vacation. Unfortunately, this is now a fact of life for us. This is our new lifestyle. And let me tell you, this new lifestyle is totally for the birds!

Unfortunately, I think the planning will have to be "last minute." And if you know me, this totally freaks me out. I am the person that already has Christmas shopping done and the presents "wrapped." (I actually made cloth bags for all of the presents!) I just like to plan in advance, however because of stupid cancer I can't really do that anymore. Just one more way that cancer is totally f*cking with me! Thanks cancer:(

Quite honestly, I am not a big travel person. I enjoy just hanging out at home. I am a bit of a homebody and I like it like that! However, there are so many things that I want to do. So many memories that I want to build. Not just for my children, but for my husband also.

So, if you don't hear from me for awhile it's because I am busy researching the perfect Disney trip for my wonderful family! Any helpful tips (great hotels, where to go, what to do, etc) would be appreciated!

An Update

Well, the news isn't the best. The spot that showed up on the PET scan, but was inactive, last month has grown from 4 mm to 6 mm. Not a lot to us, but enough in the cancer world.

While the Dr was trying to find that mass, he noticed another spot on the skin that he was very concerned about. That spot was removed in the office and has been sent off for a biopsy.

After that I was sent over to Ultrasound to see if they could find the tumor this time since it was bigger. The ultrasound tech found it immediately.

Apparently they had been in the back studying my PET scan. Obviously that was a plus. She had no problems what so ever in finding it.

Since I was there I also had them check the lymph nodes. The spot that they removed would have spread to the lymph nodes in my groin. If it has spread then it would show up on the Ultrasound. Nothing showed up, so I am fairly certain, that if it is melanoma, it has not spread.

However, on the positive side, when that spot was removed it was not black underneath. When Melanoma is removed it is black underneath. This was not. It was flesh colored underneath. I feel this is a good thing.

I am trying to stay positive about all of this. However, I am not sure how much more I can endure. I am just about "surguried" out. I am tired of being cut into to. I am tired of being poked. I am tired of being prodded. I am just so over this cancer shit. It's just stupid and it totally blows.

Don't worry, I'm not giving up. I'm not quitting. I will never quit. But, I do think I have the right to be pissed. I do think I have the right to be tired. And I do think I have the right to be bitchy. So, bear with me for a while. I will get through this. But, this won't be an easy ride. So, if you don't mind, bear with me, give me your love, and send me your prayers.

Here We Go Again

Tomorrow (Wednesday) I leave for MD Anderson yet again. I have mixed feelings, I don't want to leave the kids. But, then again, I never want to leave them!

I am anxious to see the results of the scans that I will be having on Thursday. I am anxious to see if the one little bitty spot of cancer that remained is still showing up as inactive. Please pray for good test results.

After everything I have been through, I have really been trying to remember what is important in my life and what I am grateful for. I am grateful for things that most people take for granted.

One night, while watching Yo Gabba Gabba and drinking a glass of wine (because, let's face it, when you watch that show you have to drink!) I came to a realization, if it weren't for cancer, I would have the perfect life. I have a great husband, awesome kids, and wonderful family and friends. My life would be ideal. Sure, we struggle with things, but they are all minor in comparision to the big picture. I know that most of you reading are not dealing with cancer, but try to remember how much worse it could be. I think of that every single day. I am in the fight for my life, but guess what, I am winning! And that, my friends, is a wonderful feeling!

A Much Needed Playdate

Yesterday we were able to get together with our friends, Jodi and Olivia for a nice little playdate. We have been trying to do this for months, but something always comes up or someone gets sick. But, this time it worked! Pretty sure, it was a blessing in disguise. I needed this little break. I needed something to take my mind off the upcoming MD Anderson visit. Thank you Jodi and Olivia for the distraction!

Olivia rocking in the rocking chair






Olivia drinking some fake soup

Kyler riding the horsie and drinking at the same time!

Ella in the hat that Kyler freaks out about wearing, but of course, he doesn't want Ella to wear it!

A Day of FUN!

For Kyler's birthday I really wanted to make it a fun day. A day that all of us would remember. So, I let Kyler plan the day. He got to pick the whole day, and we pretty much did everything that he wanted to do. It was a fabulous day!

The big day started with a trip to the zoo. The weather was beautiful. We were able to see almost all of the animals and spent about 2 hours just enjoying each other.

Ella had to bring a blankie and a baby to the zoo!

A little picture break



My Birthday Boy!

Hangin' with the Gorillas

Isn't he a cutie!

After the zoo we hit up an awesome park that was nearby. The kids love, love, love playing there.

I have no idea why he felt the need to stick out his tongue!

After the zoo, Kyler and I went to see "A Christmas Carol." (Ella went home with Daddy to take a much needed nap!) Not quite sure it was appropriate for little ones, it was a little scary, but he seemed to be ok with it.

After all that fun, he chose to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. Then we came home to open presents. He even wore his Birthday Boy crown from Preschool!

Ella even got a little present for Kyler's birthday! I do this for both of their birthdays. They each get one present on the other kids birthday. This way I don't take the focus off the birthday kid, but the other still knows that they are special.

The next day we got busy working on his birthday cake. I am not a baker or a cook. Quite honestly, I don't mind baking, but I am not very good at it! I am learning and getting better, at least good enough to make birthday cakes for the kids birthday parties. Cakes get kind of expensive!

At his birthday party the weather was perfect, so we brought all the presents outside to open.

Ella and Deegan really enjoyed Kyler's new scooter!

Kyler, Ella, and Julianna singing Happy Birthday and blowing out his Spiderman candle.

Huge Thank You's to everyone that was able to help us celebrate Kyler's big day.

Thank you all so much!

Happy 4th!

Today, November 6th, 2009, my baby boy, my little man, turns 4 years old. And what an awesome little man he is turning out to be. I realize that he has had to grow up a little quicker than most 4 year olds, but he has taken it all in stride.

He is still a HUGE mama's boy and wants to be with me all.the.time! But, quite honestly, I am ok with that. He's only young once and I am making the most of it. The only downside is that he wants to be held all the time also and that is a little rough on me! On the upside, he also wants to cuddle with his mama and a lot and I throughly enjoy that!

This year he started Preschool at our church two days a week for 2 and a half hours. It has been wonderful for him and he really seems to enjoy it. He seems to be right on track with what he knows and what he is learning. The teacher was a little concerned with his speech, but I already have an evaluation set up for that later this month, so we will know more then.
I'm not overly concerned, being on a speech IEP wouldn't be all bad-then I could get him into the Role Model program at the schools and that would definitely be a bonus!

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN!

I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY!

Halloween 2009- In pictures

My little Spiderman in the Preschool parade.

A posing Spidey

Ella decided to join the Preschool Halloween Parade!

Our Halloween tattoos

Halloween Tattoos

Apparently, our "new age" Dorothy carries a cell phone!

Pretty sure Spiderman is telling Dorothy to put down the phone!

We're on our way!

Please, no more pictures!

Candy...must get more candy.

Whew, Trick or Treating is hard work!

Our Branson Vacation- Day 3

On our last day in Branson we "Rode the Ducks." The Ride The Ducks amphibious vehicle is based on the famous WWII DUKW amphibious design. The vehicle is designed to drive on land and on water. Plus, they give you these awesome (insert sarcastic font here!) quackers to quack on the duck, and you even get to take them home. Fabulous!

The tour was actually pretty neat and I am really glad that we did this. If the weather would have been nice, I would have been able to take some beautiful pics. But, oh well, I resorted to taking pics of my beautiful babies:)

Kyler quacking his quacker!



Ella quacking her quacker!

Kyler driving the duck on the water.

Ella driving the duck on the water. When he asked if any kids want to come up and drive, Ella was the first one up there! I'm not even sure if she knew what he was asking. She just hopped up and ran up there!

Ella and mommy

During chemo I didn't lose all of my hair. It just got really thin. My last trip down I decided to cut it short in the hopes that it would grow back healthier. I am not a big fan of short hair on me, some people can rock it. I, however, am not one of those! I am getting used to, but I am very glad that it seems to be growing quickly!

Our Branson Vacation-Day 2

On day two we woke up and hit the Butterfly Palace and Rainforest Adventure. Honestly, it was a bit of a disappointment. The butterflies were neat but, the Rainforest was a bit of a joke.

After the Butterfly Palace, we hit the Titanic Museum. This would have been pretty neat, however, Ella decided to scream THE.WHOLE.TIME! It was awful! After the Titanic Museum, Cody and I decided we needed some wine. Fast! So we found this nice little winery that gave us some samples, and lucky for me, my favorite was on sale. So, of course, I bought some:)

In the evening we had reservations for Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede. The show was fabulous! The kids were intrigued the whole time. It was great! No screaming. No crying. Just eating and watching. Huge thanks to Dolly!

Kyler looking at the frog in the "Rainforest."

Kyler sitting on the butterfly chair.

Mommy and Kyler

Kyler and Ella examining the butterflies up close. This butterfly, however, quickly met Ella's maginifying glass up close and personal. RIP sweet butterfly!

Ella hugging the frog in the rainforest.

Ella sitting on the little butterfly chair.

Kyler tasting his own "wine." Oh quit freaking out, it was pear juice. It was delicious!

Apparently they are supposed to put the kids juice in paper dixie cups, but the new guy didn't know that, therefore my kids got to drink out of wine glasses. Aren't they lucky!

Our Branson Vacation-Day 1

Last week we took a little family getaway. We headed to Branson, MO to enjoy a little much needed family time.

Day 1 started with a trip to Silver Dollar City and some shopping at the Outlet Malls. Kyler was able to ride most of the rides and Ella was able to ride a few. Last time I went I was pregnant with Miss Ella so I didn't get to enjoy the rides. This time I was able to enjoy all the rides I wanted (and some that I didn't want to!)

I can't say the weather was perfect, because quite honestly, it was down right cold and rainy! But, we were able to make the most out of the day and we all ended up having a really good time.

Kyler riding the ladybugs all by himself!

Ella and mommy riding the train.

Kyler smiling big about making his candle.

Ella and Daddy trying to stay warm.

What Would U Do?

I should have known they were up to something. I should have known. They were quiet with a giggle here and there. But, I was busy. I was on facebook, umm, I mean cleaning the kitchen and I just didn't check on them in time.

Here is what I found when I did check on them...

Marker on the face and hands.... And for the record, he is only crying being I told him he had to go to the naughty mat!

Markers on my pillowcase and sheets.

Markers on the feet.

Markers all over her face!

More markers on the sheets. Marker was also all over my comforter.

When I walked into my room I pretty much dropped everything, and said, "Oh pish posh." Only pish posh may not be exactly what I said. I didn't know what to do.
Do I spank them?
Do I laugh?
Do I put them on the naughty mat?
Do I throw them in the tub?
Where do I even start?!!
And, of course, Daddy is out of town all week so I am on my own. ALL. WEEK. LONG! Uggg!

A Shameless Plug

Lately, I have been feeling pretty good. So good I have even been staying up past my bedtime to sew! Granted that makes it a little harder to get up in the morning, but I can't sleep very well at night anyway so I figure I might as well be doing something productive!

I have looked into doing craft shows, but I just don't have enough time to get items made to sell them. My wonderful Grandma has agreed to put a few items up at her craft sale in a few weeks, so I have been busy getting things ready for her.

Below are a few pictures of the pants and tutu's I have been making. In order to make a little money to help with medical bills, I have decided to start selling them again. I would be honored if you would let me make some pants or a tutu for your little lady.

1. $20

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11. Tutu's can be made in any color. $20

Happier Post

Sorry if my last post put tears in your eyes. That was not my intention. I have always been truthful and real on here. This is my release. I am a lot more comfortable writing about my feelings than talking about them. That's just me.

In an attempt to make up for the tears, here are some adorable pics of Miss Ella in her tutu throughout the last year and a half. Proof that the little lady is doomed to sport a tutu for.ev.er!

3 months




4 months


6 months

20 months

Hasn't she grown into such a beautiful little princess! I truly love this little lady more than words can say!

9 Just Isn't Enough

Sometimes this whole cancer thing seems so surreal.

Like I am on the outside looking in. I don't want to be going through all of this. I didn't ask for it. But, it is what it is and what can I do?

I feel like I have already fought my heart out. I have already been fighting so very hard. What do I do if the cancer comes back? Where do we go from here?

According to statics, the cancer will return in about 9 months.

9 months.

That is all I get and then I will be going through all this again.

9 months.

You have seriously got to be kidding me.

9 months isn't enough.

I want to do so many things. Especially with the kids.

I try to do fun activities with them at least once a week, but quite honestly, I don't always have the energy, and now that's it getting cold, I don't really want to take them out. I need to set up some sort of schedule where we do art projects every day or something like that. I just want them both to remember all the great things that I do with them.

Something that I hear a lot is, "They are so young, they won't remember this." Please, don't ever say that to me.

Why, you ask?

Because when you say that, I think, what if I don't make it. Then they won't remember me. (Insert tears here!)

My kids not remembering me is something that I can not handle. That is why I am working so hard to create memories. And take lots of pictures. I don't ever want them to forget me or everything that I have done for them or with them. I love them so much and I am pretty sure that if they weren't here I wouldn't be doing all this. To be perfectly honest, they are a fabulous reason to be alive. So, thank you my little monkeys. You rock!